that doc appt was horrible...

Trying to put a catheter on yourself is not so much hard as it is embarrassing having to be taught by someone else.. NASTY!!!

Damn Blogger.. it's moving so slow.. it's probably run by MEN!!!

I hate men.. anyone wanna hook up with a 36 yo hot mama?? LMAO

First off, I'm trying to get my surgery shit together. I'm getting really nervous. I'm having to have self Catheter instruction. I sure hope I won't need to do this. It sounds painful and just horrible. So I have my pre-op appt today. Plus I have to have bloodwork done. ugh. oh Joy.. First reason why I don't need a chicken shit man.

Second reason, all week long I've (ME) had to call all the daycares. Worry about where Q would be better suited. I went and saw two of the centers. I called his doc, medical records, release of information two or three times EACH.. to get copies of Q's immunization records. They told me they could only fax to a doc's office. So I figured I'd have to pick them up. I(ME) was going to have to find a time to go and pick them up. Mind you, Sam has been off, Wednesday and the rest of the week. Well today I call again to see if they are ready. Well no they aren't but then figured out that they can infact fax to the daycare. So, I call Sam tell him take the paperwork to the daycare and get him signed up. I really want him to start on Monday. So then he says, well they are going to ask me for the shot records. Well that's when you tell them that they are being faxed here. He repeats this over and over. So he figures, I should call the daycare and explain before his sorry ass gets there that the shot records won't be with the rest of the paperwork. So I told him.. why can't you just tell them that when you get there. Anyway.. long story short. I called the daycare and explained the situation. She said that was fine. He'd be able to start if they didn't have that if she knew that it was coming.

I hung up on Sam because I can't believe that he doesn't think all this leg work is nothing. He think because I have a phone at my finger tips I can do this. He honestly thinks I don't do any work. that really pisses me off. I do do work. But I take the time out of my work to do things for my family because if I don't. Nobody will.

Do you think he's offered to go with me to my doc appts? nope. He even gave me sort of a hard time about having it done on a Monday instead of later in the week when he's off. oh brother. I wish he wouldn't come at all. But we all know he'll be there for show only. Sorry sucker!! Mostly it just hurts my feelings that he writes my time off like I do nothing. Maybe I should quit my job and see how he really likes me doing nothing. there won't be no money coming in either. Wonder if he'd change his mind?

Ok.. that was long. I better get to work for real.

So we decided..

The more expensive daycare is where we'll put Quincy. Yes it's more expensive. But I also found out.. it's status was changed to a Montessori.. So they definitely have to get high education marks to get that recognition. So that's where he'll be. I figure this is a critical year. Pre-K. So hopefully my kids learns something there.

We have a parent meeting tonight for Erik's soccer team. goody.. from 7:15 to 8:15.. on a school/work night. His coach is clueless.

We have both kids with games on Saturday.. at the exact same time. Not at the same fields. This will be fun. I'd like to go w. Q since it is his first game ever. But I love watching Erik play too. decisions decisions.

We have a concert to go to on Saturday too. Ice Cube (sorry Peggie), Busta, DMX (yum), Chingy, Lil Rob, Baby Bash, and tons and tons more.. woohooo I'm excited.

Well back to work I go..

daycare search..

place by me.. was a bust. old.. overcrowded.. just run down. So onto the next one.

The one that is a couple of bucks more expensive then my new increase. But.. on the other hand.. They have an actual kitchen. They do have Pre-K curriculum.. hhmmmm

Well it's Tuesday..

Back from a long weekend..

What do you know.. Sam came home and apologized and he said.. let's talk. Let's makeup. Whatever. I did it because I didn't want to ruin my whole weekend. But I'm still really hurt with him. I can't believe he would throw shit like that in my face when he already knew how awful I felt about even having to go.

Saturday night I did go see Gina.. the boys and I. Sam stayed home which was fine by me. I had a better time not having to worry about him. We had dinner and some drinks. It was great fun. Sunday.. We had a bbq at Gina's too.. and what do you know.. Sam decides to get off early for that one. butthead. LOL

Monday we didn't do much. I did get my haircut and colored.. I needed it BADLY!!! I ironed the clothes for the week and then.. I get a phone all from Wells Fargo. They haven't recieved my payoff for my car.. WTF?? So I call Geico. Well they don't show that it's been issued. I'd have to talk to the local person. Well she was off yesterday. So I have that to do this morning. The day we got our portion of the insurance.. she said she would overnight the payoff. Not sure what happened with that. Well I called her this morning.. the local chick.. and she doesn't handle any of that and for me to call someone else. Even tho.. I personally spoke to this girl about our payoff. Maybe she forgot me in the last three weeks. Of course I call the other girl.. and I go straight to VM. They had better straighten this out as I can't be having this on my credit report. Suckers!!!

Another thing, I get to Q's daycare.. and I find that I have an increase.. He already just goes 3 times a week. They eat MickyD's for lunch EVERYDAY. And they don't have such a great Pre-K curriculum. So.. guess what else I'm doing on top on my Geico research. Daycare research. I can't believe that she's going to raise my childcare when the services suck. So I'm about to find something else. I did find another childcare.. www.springstonekids.com it'll be a little more a week.. just a couple of dollars more then the cheap nasty daycare.. but it would be worth it if he's going to eat well and learn to read. :)

We'll see.. there is also one that is close to my work.. just a few minutes. It's cheapers but I have a feeling.. it's old. I'm going to check it out on my lunch.. cross your fingers for me.

Anyway.. all this darn stress.. on a Monday.. errrr Tuesday morning.. How many more days until the new year?? LMAO

I had my appt today

with my therapist.. it went ok. I didn't get such a good feeling about the place. it's really old.. unprofessional.. that you have to walk through the waiting room AFTER your appt..(and look like hell if you've cried) to pay your copay. Very weird. My therapists is an older lady that's huge.. like 6'5" and just big.

She was nice.. I explained my situation.. but mostly we just did paperwork. She says.. she thinks we need to work on my personal boundary issues. When to let people close to me.. and when to keep my distance. I think she's right.

well another thing.. Sam and I had a huge fight. And what do you know.. he threw it in my face that I was seeing somebody because I was psycho. I knew he would at some point. He likes to do things to me that hurt me. That for example and the way he says mean things about my mother of all people. He knows that pushes me over the edge.. and he took it there. My problem is.. that I'm always worried about others. My happiness depends on others. Sometimes when I want to do things for me it doesn't work.

For example, I wanted to spend tomorrow night with my friend Gina and her family. All of us.. just having some fun. Well he doesn't want to. He wants to watch the football game here at our house. Well it's always about WHAT he wants.. WHEN he wants it. Never considers me but yet I'm supposed to think about everybody else besides myself. So off he went to the high school football game that we had planned on doing all together. He first says.. he's not going with me. I'm crazy. But then continues to call me names and call my mother some nasty names.. and then says.. he's leaving and taking the kids to the game. So here I sit. with my feelings hurt again. He crossed the line with me tonight. He threw it in my face that I'm seeing a therapists when he already knows I had a hard time even going. Why can't things just go right for me. I even told the therapists that my family was a great support. Including him. YEAH right. I'm so tired. Beyond tired.

He'll come home later and probably pretend it never happened. But him bring that up is way out of line. I'm so ready to up and leave him. But he's the type of person that will throw my kids into it and say I won't get the kids. I'm nuts and on and on. I just can't win. This weekend is starting off on a really bad bad note.