well I'm doing great..

I miss all my BB buddies. I'm sure I'll be back by Christmas. I NEED to celebrate the holidays with my closest mamas ever.

So don't hold your breathe. But I'll be back soon.. yeah!!

I hope you guys had an awesome week. I hope to hear from Steph soon. I know she's BUSYBUSY.

oh and I'm on book 6.. started off SOO SOOO good. love me some Joe Morelli... yum

Wednesday.. and I'm feeling over the hump

can you believe it? Regardless of all the things that have been said about me I feel great. I figure they can talk and talk about me all they want. I'm not going to read it so then it won't hurt my feelings. What I don't know. Won't hurt me. Well I'm hoping that true. I left Micha alone. I can't deal with her anymore. I should have known better then to even breathe a word of this to her. But when approached with a what's up with Nikki's Circle of Trust siggy. I had no idea and told her so. But curiousity got the best of me and I went and looked. All that trolling my space.. don't think so. But it's cool what ever they wanna say. Soooo.. I don't want to hear them, see them, know about them. We're going to have our own little community right here without the negative. I did talk to Jeanne and I think our friendship is salvageable. I miss her and would hate for it to be any other way. But time will tell. Thanks to you girls.. I'm going to get through this. We all are. And as Jeanne said. There is just some more deep seated issues that have nothing to do with me that's coming out on the board right now. DEEP BREATHE... awwwwwwww!

Love you girls!!!

you and me..

well good thing I remembered what I changed my blog too.. huh peggie?? Well it'll be a whole new start. Now with Chassity still there. I won't be going back for awhile. but atleast you know where I'll be huh?

Monday.. Got a new car!!

Sad thing is.. my insurance is going to go up for the car. Not sure it'll go up again for the accident. My payment is up maybe $20 bucks. Not bad. We got a 2006 Pontiac G6. love it. It's Gold. We need to take it in to be cleaned a bit better and the tint is going to be redone to be darker. We got a fairly good deal as I saw these same cars.. 2006 for like 20k. It had a bit more mileage which leads me to assume it was a commuter car. So hopefully all highway miles.

My email is not working. I've been trying to email and I just keep getting it bounced back. Darn it. Peggie.. I've been emailing you this morning. What's going on girl?? LOL

Well I got stuff I could be doing.. so I'll shut this for now. But just wanted to say Hey!!

car shopping is not fun..

I need a car no doubt about that. But I really was not looking forward to a bigger payment. And I sure wasn't looking forward to having myself hounded by sweaty men trying to take me for a ride. ugh!!

I was hoping to just be able to stay in my house all weekend and hide from the world. But doesn't look like that 's going to work. On a good note, I am feeling much better mentally. I mean I figure I had my bottom of the barrel feeling and there is only one way out.. go up. So I'm focusing on the good I'll get from all the bad luck and drama in my life. Hopefully soon I'll be able to get that darn appt. Backed up for weeks.. man. Good thing I'm not a nut!! LOL

A new day...

Well I got home a little early because I needed to drive Sam to get the rental car. I saw my car out of the tree and the poor thing looked broken up. :( The adjustor said.. every part of this car is damaged except the roof. :(They didn't have it ready so we looked at cars while we waited around. We saw a few we liked. Not sure if we'd be able to get the payment we're looking for tho. I guess we'll have to do some shopping around. I would like a new one just because they are trying to get rid of the 2006s and they have tons of incentives. But again, the payment is what matters most. By the time we got back from getting the rental car, My poor dead focus was gone. They'd taken it. On a good note, We were not upside down but actually had equity in our car. 2k worth of equity that thank God we can use as a down payment. Well I got to get to work as yesterday was a totally wasted day for me. I didn't get anything done. So off to work I go. Only one more day until the weekend.

I'm at my lowest point in all my life..

This morning I was getting ready feeling really great about my life and the things that have happened this week. Then.. as I'm about to leave for work. I turn back and go back inside for just a couple of minutes and my car rolls backwards and jumps the curb and wrecks into a tree. Yes, Thank God nobody was hurt. Thanks God it didn't hit somebodies house. But why ME?? I have been having an anxiety attack all morning long. My parents are out of town. I called my brother. I've talked to my coworker. People say don't worry. It's not so much the car as it is. How totally inadequate I feel. That self-hatred just creeping in me again after I'd already thought I had a handle on it. I'm wishing to just run away. Away from everything and everyone. What sane person would wish to leave their kids? What do I do? How do I get myself together?

I want things to be done

over.. I want to focus on my real life and my real friends.

oh it's Friday.. I'm loving that

I have school shopping to do this weekend. Tons of school supplies to buy. We have tax free weekend and can you imagine the people. ugh. Erik uses uniforms so atleast I don't have to be looking for the "cool" clothes. He'll have to deal with his multi colored polo shirts. :)

Tonight I was invited out for drinks with some friends. I thought about going.. but tomorrow I have another party and then on Sunday I have another Pampered Chef party. that's way to much stuff to be doing in one weekend. Maybe I'll skip tonight and just hang with my family instead. We can always have a movie night. Usually sleeping on the living room floor and having tons of snacks. :)

Tomorrow I have weigh in. And I won't be surprised if I actually gained. I mean.. I was on vacation where I didn't have a care in the world. I did good this week tho. Even working out 3 times.woohoo

My parents our out of town this week and next so that leaves my Sunday pretty much free. Maybe no maybe about it. I will be making candles. I have so many to make. Already pre-sold. Our busniess is doing pretty good. Not sure if I can quit my job yet but I'm trying. LMAO JK

Well it's about 40 minutes until my weekend. HOpefully you all have a GREAT weekend.

oh and PS.. I got my referral I was waiting on. woohoo

I'm back from Vegas..

We had a hell of a good time. I'm glad we went. I feel so much better getting back to work after that nice relaxing vacation. So I've been playing with the idea of going back to school. I mean I've always wanted to but could never really find the time to do it. I mean stuff like this really deserves a lot of time. I had looked it before but could never find the courses I needed online. But I think I may have found a place that does the majority of their stuff online. So I'll apply and see how it goes.

And as much as I'm embarrassed to say.. I'm going to start looking at seeing a therapists. I mean for the most part I'm good. But somedays are really worse then others. I'm sure that something will come out during the sessions. But who knows what that'll be. But I'm worth taking the time and checking that out. Sam of course thinks that things shouldn't get to me like they do. But heck.. he doesn't have my mind much less my heart. He can't understand how hurt and depressed I get over the littlest of things.

My life in general is going really well. Erik will be starting school really soon.. less then two weeks. I'm sure he's so ready. He misses his friends a lot. Soccer starts up in a couple of weeks too. Sad thing is we lost a lot of our players last year. So we'll be starting from scratch which will be really hard on the kids that are left. But we'll make it. They want Sam to be an assistant coach. They also asked him to be either coach or assistant to Q's team. Not sure which he'll pick. But he loves coaching. He loves being with kids. I think he'll take Q's team as our other friend was also asked to assist Erik's team. But we'll see.

Hope you all have a awesome rest of the week!